Updated: Dec 30, 2019
The Relief of Turning 30
Ladies, in your twenties you should complete college, get married, start your career, establish your career, travel, have kids, and have your retirement account ready to go. You must do all of this while having your outfits on tread, your make up on point, not permit a single wrinkle, wearing a smile, having endless energy, and not allow a single hair out of place. I don’t know what mythical creature is capable of such things but I am not one of them.
The expectations placed on twenty-somethings is ridiculous. In your thirties however the expectations are really just a continuation of your twenties but where there is assumption that wrinkles and body fat are going to show up and stay. It is also assumed you will do all of this while tired and with a slight frown because, you know, you’re in your thirties.
As females we’ve been told that thirty is where our dreams will go to die. We’ll no longer be young enough to be found sexy. If we’re not married we’ll be doomed to the single life forever because who would date anyone over twenty-nine? All lies.
As we round the final turn of our twenties we should look ahead with excitement, not trepidation. Your thirties are a time of liberation. You have passed from a young lady to a full-fledged woman. You now know who you want to be and what you want out of life. Don’t know how to get those things? Congratulations, you’re just as confused as the rest of us.
Because there is the assumption that you will have achieved so much in your twenties there isn’t much pressure in your thirties. Advertisement are no longer directed at you. They’ll kick in again when you’re forty when it is assumed you’ll begin to panic because wrinkles have started and your metabolism is in the shitter, but in your thirties you are in this blissful in between. You are too young for depends and menopause yet too old for raves and body glitter, supposedly. You’re supposed to panic ladies, panic about disappearing from the radar of society for ten years before you come back on desperate to resume your place as a sexy object to be drooled over. You know, the ultimate goal.
Did you know that statistically your thirties are your happiest years? You are still young enough that all your joints are your own and old enough that you’re starting to have some money to spend on nonessentials, even body glitter if you choose. You can take your twenties to explore and take risks, take advantage of having all your own joints and a metabolism that hasn’t entirely betrayed you yet. Turning thirty isn’t a death sentence to your validity or femininity, it is a liberation from uncertainty and ridiculous expectations.
You don’t need to cram all of your happiness into a single decade of life. Life isn’t a to do list. If you want one here you go: Seek happiness. That’s it, that’s the list.